Too many directions--too much of everthing to cope with--What to do??

by Suzanne
(Bossier City, LA USA)

I am a 51 year old woman. I used to base my identity on my chosen profession in nursing. I have been disabled, due to bipolar disorder, and my husband's chronic kidney failure and heart disease. For the past 16 months, I have also been the sole caregiver to my 20 month old grandson. His mother, our daughter also lives with us, but is of no help, at all, even with her son.


I find myself raging all the time. It doesn't help that I ran out of my mental health meds during the holidays, and the clinic is closed for another week. Today, I attempted to ask my daughter to leave our home. She and I both know she has nowhere to go, and that it would not be good situation for the baby.

My husband had a heart-attack last Monday night, and we went to stay a few days at the hospital. My home has been in constant chaos for the past year, since my daughter moved home, and she is blatantly disrespectful of my rules, my home, and any boundaries that I set forth, to protect my spirit. She has been physically violent to me in the past, but I no longer fear for myself; rather for her son, whom she has clutched to her, often, when we argue.

Her father, my husband is of no help, in this matter, nor he able to assist me with the household duties. They both sit in the living room with their computers, or watch TV while I take care of the entire family's needs and the needs of my home. I have taken to sitting in the kitchen, most of the time, since that is where most of the noticeable work is.

I am feeling totally run-down, overwhelmed and very much put-upon. I try to tell myself that I will have a good day, when I wake up, but there is so much poison, put forth in a day, that it makes it impossible. I do try to use relaxation techniques at the end of the day, such as lighting a candle, or aromatherapy and journaling some of the time. Usually, though, I am mostly so tired, from the day, that I simply fall asleep fit-fully, have nightmares or wake up worrying, and can't get back to sleep until the wee hours.

I hope to gain much insight from your website, and I really just wanted to thank you for being here. I would appreciate any feedback that you have. Again, thank you, for being here.

Take care,
Suzanne

Answer from Kate
Hi Suzanne
well it does sound like you have your hands full. Sadly some people just don't see past their own noses and can't see what they are doing to other people around them. I know i have lived in situations like that myself and unfortunately its only years later they realize what they were doing.

The only thing i say to you is this. You and only you can look after yourself. No one else will no matter how much you wish they would. So you have to make your priority list and put yourself right at the top. This does not mean being selfish etc but it just means that you make sure that your needs are not forgotten and that your health is not put into jeopardy. After all if you get really sick too then what would happen. things would certainly only get worse for everyone not better.

You have to realize that you cannot solve every problem and other peoples lives are for them to organize not you. worrying about them will have no effect other then make you ill. Simply as that. So you do what you can around the home etc but don't over do it. Don t run around after others, they are adults too and are responsible for themselves.

Also i find when arguments are a regular occurrence it means that they have no purpose what so ever and the very best thing you can do is to simply walk away from them. May be difficult at first but i can tell you from personal experience it really works.

As for your own anxiety etc. it sounds to me that sleep is a big contributor here. So Make a schedule for yourself and keep to it no matter what is going on around you. About an hour before bedtime. Go and have a long hot bath, put some quiet music on, read a book and then go to bed with a hot milky drink. Do this every night and your body will start to relax and once this happens you will get better sleep. Sleep that will help your body cope with the stresses of the day. Sleep cannot be under rated and the quality of the sleep is all important.

if others around you try to tease you about what you are doing, Clench your fist by your side, smile and walk away from it and carry on looking after yourself. believe me it works.

I wish you all the best and i want to let you know that you are not alone. Life is full of crazy situations and families can be the hardest to cope with. But it will get better, especially if you can keep yourself healthy and strong.

best wishes Kate

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