I Feel Stressed and Confused About My Thoughts
I have a very busy day job and have recently taken on a second job for some extra cash. Unfortunately this means that i have very little time to do other things.
Just recently I have been feeling rather stressed and have lots of conflicts going on in my mind which i need some help with.
Firstly - I ma always looking for new things to do and new opportunities all the time such as agreeing to to socialize a lot, planning trips away. I am also quite obsessed about keeping my home spotlessly clean all the time. With the house cleaning i can't go to bed until it is all done and this often means that I am up till 1am doing housework.
Secondly - I feel exhausted, resentful, tearful and overwhelmed at the things I feel I have to do. Such as I feel angry whilst doing the housework but feel i have to do it. I also do some volunteer work once a week and now i feel resentful for having to commit to this, which makes me feel guilty. I feel the need to be selfish, have time for myself.
I feel in general I have become forgetful and vacant and often find that i can sit still doing nothing for quite sometime and then feel overly remorseful for not fulfilling what is expected of me.
I am worried about this conflict in my mind and would greatly appreciate some guidance on what to do....
whilst reading through your question one sentence jumped out at me which I think is at the core of your problem. You said "what is expected of me". This is a classic use of language where the stressor is actually you. It is your thinking which is placing all these pressures on yourself, not the actual things.
It is important NOT to blame yourself for this sort of thinking, in fact this sort of thinking is becoming more and more common in todays busy hectic world where we expect bigger and greater things from ourselves. This type of thinking is dangerous and will eventually cause you stress as you have found.
To begin with you must first accept the fact that you are actually causing your own stress by the way you are thinking. once you accept this you will be able to start to change this behavior and reduce all the pressures you are placing on yourself.
Changing how we think requires practice just like anything else so don't worry if it take some time to change these automatic thinking patterns, by practicing positive thinking they will soon become your automatic response.
It is quite difficult for me here to give you all the tools you need all i can do is give you some basic guidane which i would advice my clients when attending a stress advice clinic.
Here are some positive thinking tips:
- Notice the good things that happen to you every day. they may be small things but if you actually take note of them you will begin to notice them more in your life.
- When you find yourself thinking negative thoughts tell yourself either out loud or in your head STOP, take a deep slow breath and do something else. this stop process actually helps to stop the thinking pattern.
- Lower your own expectations of yourself. No one can do it all, No one so why should you. Give yourself a break, if you can't do the volunteering any more then thats fine. No one expects you to hold down two jobs, keep your home in order and do volunteering, not unless you are super women.
- Take the time through out your day to notice things around you, the blue sky, the singing of birds. Do this often everyday. this will automatically slow you down and help you to relax.
When ever you find yourself thinking things like i cant cope etc then challenge these thoughts, why are you thinking this way, is the situation really that bad. would someone else think the same way. often you will find that you are just automatically making the situation worse than it actually is and once you challenge the thought, it simply crumbles.
These are just a few ways to train your thinking in a positive way. there are many books that will help you further with this.http://www.stress-relief-workshop.com/stress-less.html
Good luck with your endeavors, only you can change your particular circumstances, don't rely on anyone else and above all, give yourself a break, you can't do it all and thats fine.