I wish I hadn't agreed to take this job. The amount of stress it has given me since day 1 is so not worth the pay. My boss is a high strung guy who is very difficult to talk to, and at times I feel he genuinely is irritated with me in general. I know he needs me, or he'll be slammed with work, he's even told me he wouldn't have hired me if he didn't think I could do it, but the way he treats me says otherwise. There's so little room to breathe too since we share an office. His own job is extremely stressful, and he often takes it out on me. Whenever he's in, I feel like I'm waiting for an attack to happen and am extremely tense.
Also, he will talk friendly with my coworker, chat with him, but when it comes to me it's either stone cold silence or generic questions. I used to be an intern with some others, and they thought he generally had a problem with communication overall. I'm not the only one who sees the problems with my boss, which is sort of a comfort. Sort of.
I am not extremely competent because I have barely recieved proper training, and a lot of it is just phone calls and admin work! I get the "learn as you go" type of training. Mess up first, then scold you like a little child for being bad (thats what it feels like when I mess up), and thats how I learn overall. Sometimes I do really forget things (like forgetting to take down someones number when they call, or ask why they are calling), but I've gotten better with that in general.
So now I feel totally dumb on top of untrained, and I can't ask my boss for help because he is too busy or will talk to me in that irritated voice. It's one thing to take constructive criticism; another to be reprimanded. I can't ask my coworker for help either because a lot of what I do is beyond his control and my boss is the one that everything has to go through anyway.
Every morning I wake up with this dreaded fear that something will have gone wrong and I'm going to get scolded yet again. Every night I'm close to crying just thinking that I have to go back the next day. And I don't know if it's just because I'm weak, or if I'm not cut out for this job, or if it's just the nature of the work. Maybe all of it. I told myself to never quit just cause it gets hard, but theres so little rewards in the end that I'm pretty sure quitting is the better option than duking it out.
I want to just tell my boss that if he thinks im more of a nuisance than an asset, he should just let me go. I'm doing my best, but I'm not willing to go in THAT deep for this job.