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grown boys that dont take in responsibility

i have 3 boys that still live with me two moved out have kids and moved back in they are 21,23.they dont have good jobs cause they didnt stay in school.well they smoke pot,make a mess,eat all the food in the house.we are struggling like most people i wouldnt care about food if they were really hungry but it is the pot that does it.ya i know kick them out.easeir said than done.i go to work and come home and the house is always a mess i tell them to clean up im yelling all the time i am sooooooooo stressed i cry all the time.they just dont care..i dont know what to do help me.also my 17 is just the same the are so big i cant spank them know more ground them i take stuff away and they just bother me till i am at my wits end to get it back.that is the biggest mistake i made no means no..remember that young parents that is one mistake i made.and to top it all off my daughter was shot and killed a year and a half ago and i go threw the guilt and pain and depression deep depression of her gone;[ i am so going crazy.... anyone else fill this..angel

Comment by Kate
Oh my goodness, you read about people going through this sort of thing but it often feels so un real but when someone like yourself directly describes this terrible situation it really brings it home.

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter, I can't imagine how hard that must be.

As for your sons, well the two oldest ones are far too old to be behaving the way they do. Sadly todays modern world seems to be allowing young men to remain children for far too long. Yes you may be partly responsible but don't blame yourself for all of this. You are trying your best being a mum and holding down a job.

What to do well, what would happen if the boys came home and there was no food in the house and you were out at a friends house and this happened for every night over a week. My guess is that they would moan and moan but in the end would have to spend some of their money on food rather than on pot. And yes this wouldn't be easy for you and yes your home may look like a bomb has hit it but, sometimes lessons in life are messy.

It may just make your boys see that food doesn't just appear and that a clean house doesn't just happen. Tough love they call it and at the end of the day it will help them and give you some time out from your stress. Stress can be very harmful to your health over a long period of time and you have to put yourself first sometimes to ensure that you are there for your family in the future.

I know you may think to yourself that it is easy for me to say all this and that you are the one who has to do something but you do have to do something and so I hope my words will at the very least help you to stop and really try to do something about your situation.

All my best wishes KAte

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